Can our thinking affect our perimenopause experience?

When we believe perimenopause is a nightmare does it make it true?

In one of the many menopause courses I’ve done, or perhaps in one of the many books I’ve read, I came across the generalisation that most (western, white*) women find themselves in one of 3 camps.

Whenever I share this with friends, or clients, they find it helpful.  

Camp 1:  Those that sail through the menopause transition with very few symptoms or changes that they notice, their periods change, but mainly they just gradually fade away. 

Camp 2: Those that have a really hard time with their symptoms, impacting their quality of life, relationships, work, and overall health.

Camp 3: Those have had some symptoms and discomfort, and manage them effectively with lifestyle changes, HRT, or nutritional support. 

This is simplification, and probably isn’t very scientific, but it can help us shift our thinking from fear of the impact of menopause, to curiosity about how it might impact us, and what actions we could take to mitigate, minimise, or even take advantage of this phase of our life.

And, as I have discovered in my coaching training AND through working with 100s of women, our thinking has a huge impact.

Not everyone has the same experience of perimenopause. 

Our experience is unique to us, it doesn’t follow a pre-designated plan. 

I know that what I see online or pick up in the media is heavily influenced by my existing interest in menopause and women’s health, but it often surprises me how negative it is. How many celebrities and others describe it as a ‘nightmare’ or feeling like their life was falling apart. 

I LOVE that we are talking about menopause differently.

 I LOVE that women’s health is on the agenda so much more (about bloody time, and a couple of millenia late!). 

However, if you were a woman in your 30s who has started following menopause media coverage you could find yourself feeling pretty gloomy about the future. 

Whereas when I was in my 30s I had never really thought about it. It seemed a far off and mysterious ‘thing that happened to women’.

I was lucky enough to start learning about menopause when I was in my late 30s. In part because my hormones were all over the place (possibly early signs of perimenopause, possibly stress-induced) and I didn’t know what action to take.

So I took myself on a learning journey as part of my career change into women’s health coaching. One which has helped me support 100s of other women. 

 Understanding the menopause is essential education for all of us. 

(Yes, for men as well as women).

Understanding that there’s a change in our hormones, an end to our cycles, and an opportunity to re-focus on ourselves, our health, and our sense of purpose is vital. 

If you’re struggling then being informed and aware of the help and support that’s available is essential. 

Knowing that there are different formulations of HRT and that you can get this on prescription from your GP is really important. 

Knowing that you can make lifestyle changes that reduce the impact of hormone change (and improve the efficacy of HRT if you choose to take it). 

There are no magic pills. No matter what the mushroom gummy adverts might be telling you (anyone else seeing these constantly?)

A good place to start can be my download on the 4 pillars of perimenopause here, or the NICE guidance here) 

I’ve also got some workshops and courses that can help illuminate you. 

It’s also helpful to be informed just in case your GP isn’t.

Menopause hasn’t really been covered on medical school curricula until recently.  And not all GPs are sympathetic, especially if they haven’t had the chance to study this area. 

Or perhaps they’ve been taught to consider midlife women as ‘whiny women’  because there’s not always an easy-to-identify solution to our female aches, pains, and concerns (endometriosis sufferers can still take up to 10 years to get a diagnosis!)

Back in 2017,  a gynaecologist attend my menopause workshop because she wanted to understand more about the lifestyle approach to menopause support. In her day-job she even gave lectures on menopause and HRT but the lifestyle element was missing from her education.

There are some amazing Doctors out there doing incredible awareness raising work for women in menopause, and women’s health in general, it’s really moved on in the last decade! We have Dr Louise Newsom, Dr Jen Gunter, Dr Nighat Arif, raising awareness and creating dialogue, and many others involved in research too. In the 10 years I’ve been learning and working in this field it has changed enormously, and for the better. I think another decade and it will be transformational for so many women, and we will be seeing menopause as the advantage it can be!

If we expect perimenopause and menopause to be awful, then maybe it will be. 

If we expect to sail through it, but continue burning the candle at both ends, sacrificing rest and sleep to work and family, we might find that burnout beckons. 

If we stay curious about what’s going on but anticipate being able to make changes that are supportive, then it’s more likely that it will be positive. 

My clients tend to be in camp 2. Some symptoms, and a curiosity about how to better support themselves. I help them tune into their perimenopause experience as well as think about the long term picture of their health, purpose, and life expectations. 

I do that with my body and my health too

What’s this pain, niggle or shift that I feel? What is it telling me and I how can I support it to improve, or change? 

It’s not overnight. I’ve got a hip niggle that’s been annoying me for 8 months. But it’s a learning process and I know it will get better. That’s my thought process, not doom and gloom. Seek support, explore solutions, and stay curious.

This is the magic in how I support my clients. 

They get to know themselves, understand their hormone cycles, and make changes that work WITH them. 

It’s not overnight results, but it’s a lifetime of benefit. They have a toolkit of resources, and understanding of how their thoughts or emotional responses can get in the way, when to ask for help. All of which they can take forward into a confident perimenopause and post menopause life. 

I’ve even been applying the same logic to parenting teens

Because I am curious and willing to learn,  and want to be able to support us all all through this stage of life to the best of my ability. 

It’s my role (although not only mine) to support them to become confident, accomplished, and well-rounded adults, and to create a positive long term relationship with them. The boundaries keep shifting but I want it to be a dialogue about those boundaries, to give them the tools to create them in the future. 

If I believe it’s going to be awful, or that teenagers don’t know what’s good for them, then I’ll treat them and myself accordingly. If I trust them to work WITH me then we will get to a different place. 

I’m only part way through, so I know it will be an ongoing learning process. 

If you’d like some help with creating a positive perimenopause experience, drop me a quick note and let’s start a conversation. 

Or start by downloading my perimenopause guide here.

 *a lot of generalisations will centre white western women. Women of colour living in heavily industrialised nations tend to have a harder time of menopause and also find it harder to access support (also a broad generalisation).